1)All of you who have made me feel so loved and cared for.

I was in to see my shrink today. I told him all my stories of love and support and generosity. I told him that the old repetitive thought pattern about being really alone, and people only wanting to be around me because of what I had to give them had been banished forever. I never got to have those thoughts again. He told me that this has been a life changing experience for me. And it has. New world view. Didn't actually know such a thing was possible. I am still worried. This is still very hard. But I don't feel alone.

Hey, they started Dry wall today!

2)Dry wall.
3)My patient's who inspire me with what they have done with much bigger challenges than the ones I face.
4)Heated seats in the car.
5)Insulation.

It was great to have Banger come and visit. So great to get to share the farm.  I felt like a great matchmaker when Ellis came, too. It was very fun indeed to have a little jaunt down the field and back with Beatrice, Pirate and Banger. I was dismayed by Beatrice's very ugly greeting to Pirate, "Hi boyfriend, kick your ass" and relieved when he was more than a gentleman about it, she was quite sweet to the puppy, and then she and Pirate actually played some happy chase. I'm not sure who Beatrice is growing up to be around other dogs...but I do know that I'm going to be very careful with her.  In anycase, it was fun to just have some fun down time. Although I felt a bit guilty. There is still so much to do, and so many people working hard around me. Today it was heaven to get to go out to the barn and play on a course that Sarah set up. Not maybe the best plan to take my novice dog out on to a very gnarly course after about 2 months off training, call me judgement impaired. The best fun about this is that DEAN was the videographer. He walked the 10 feet on gravel to the barn and stood to video our sessions. How bout that?

I found a new soothing and mindless task. I had reached the end of my patience and just needed time away, but could not justify something completely nonproductive so I left Dean at home and headed out to "work on the fence." Well the fence is built (you fence builders really must come by for a tour of it). But there are little things to polish. I have this horror of fence inflicted injuries and there are lots of little pokey out bits of wire on fences.

Gabriel and Beatrice and I spent a couple hours alone in the evening with my needle nosed pliers winding the ends of wire into little curls. My beading days influenced my technique. It is so wonderful to be quiet with the dogs on the farm. When we first arrive they are all about the chasing and the playing and the sniffing but as time passes and I concentrate on my task they relax. You can see them settle into a calmer happiness with their bodies at ease and large smiling muzzles. Beatrice is busier than Gabriel, so she settles down more slowly, but eventually they both lie down in the grass and smile and pant. I think Beatrice thinks I am smarter than she did when we only did training together. I think she is starting to see me as a "pack leader." Not a bossy hissing CM pack leader, but one who knows where we should go, and how we should be.

In the next pasture the irrigation sprinklers produce long quiet arcs of pulsing water, my own rural water show. A hawk hunts the field. I hunt for protruding wires and curl them into decorative spirals. Each spiral gives me a tiny bit of satisfaction. Finally a cool breeze tells me that I am late for making supper and helping Dean prepare for bed and I reluctantly leave my mindless  and soothing task.


The Cabinets come today. The cork and marmoleum are here. The walls are all most all painted. the crawl space gets insulated and the ducts get wrapped today, then the floor gets closed up and the bathroom can be tiled. Dean is rustling around getting up so my quiet bit of the day is over.

Today at the farm I worked on the paddock. It was just Beatrice, Dave and me outdoors. Inside we had some painters and Mike, the extremelyhandiman. Because the whole periphery is fenced Beatrice got to run free.  Everytime I looked for her she was doing some other thing. Everytime I looked for her she was happy. She was sticking her nose down critter holes. She was poking around the outhouse. She was smiling and panting under the tractor. She was way down in the back pasture, or just running back from there. She would tell me if anyone came or went. She would go tell them that they were coming or going and by the way they were her friend. Anytime I called her she ran to me. Ran, as in Run.

Dave told me four times, "she surely does love it out here." He was right. She does. So do I.

I have an orange room.

I have done lots of shopping that I never thought I would do this month: Fence posts and fence wire, windows, doors, ramps for wheelchairs, commodes and quad canes, drywall, slate tile,  Just now I shopped online for wide, knee high socks that won't hurt my hands to pull on and that fit under a brace. Thank goodness I got to shop in crazyshirts.com for cool canton pants for Dean to wear. Being handicapped doesn't mean you have to dress like a complete dork.

Tomorrow I am shopping for cork and linoleum and carpet. The only flooring I already have is the flooring for my dog training room. Priorities.  Rick, my stepdaughter's significant other, is helping me renovate the hovel much more inexpensively than I could have alone, but it does involve quite a bit of shopping in warehouses and discount stores. Which is exhausting, especially when done in little bits of time between work and exercising the dogs and getting home to fix dinner.  So we are going to Portland to find flooring. Oh, and Ikea, to find cabinets. Things that in normal times I would think about for weeks, will be discovered, approved and purchased in a few short minutes tomorrow. It is actually kinda exciting.  I hope I don't make really stupid choices, because I'm gonna be living with them for awhile.

Paint, choosing paint. Because on Saturday we are going to start painting. But now comes the sort of awkward part. I'm inviting friends to come paint my cottage (no longer a hovel) when I am not going to be there.  A long time ago I joined a team for Fleet Feet. I just didn't want to cancel. It just seemed like giving up too much. So Gabriel and I are doing agility tomorrow. We went out to the barn yesterday briefly to just remind him about the existence of contact equipment. He was HIGH with excitement. I think I will have a lot of dog down in Turner this weekend.

But if anyone wants to paint a room, or a wall, Rick and Kristin will be there painting and will be happy for help. I've arranged for friends and neighbors to stop in and spend time with Dean, his first days without full time companionship.  The cottage looks great! The dogs and I are so much enjoying safely running in the now fenced fields. This whole dealing with the stroke thing is unbelievably tedious, but we sure are liking the sunshine and we can't wait to move to our little place in the country.

macaroons
camomile tea
people who make jokes while working
plumbing
contact lenses

Heather came! She took pictures! Katie came! She knows more about fencing than I do by now. Dean came! He got to see the inside of the cottage for the first time in 6 weeks. He likes it. He loves the fence. We had a completely good day.
 
We got the entire length of the north side of the property stretched in fencing. No more just driving off the property wherever feels convenient. We did the center line of the cross fencing.  Tomorrow 9am we will start the next line, probably the south side. I think I will only work 9a to 12 noon, because, well Dean isn't entirely independant. He will have some therapies in the morning, but I can't do the marathon working/practicing days I used to do. Come by if you want to see how it is done. I have been finding it fascinating. It is a very very good fence.


pictures by Heather, of course

First about the fencing:. Paula and Jorge and I have managed to get up the cattle panels and do the h-bracing (well that is scheduled to be accomplished today) and finish up the short section of t posts by the school driveway that hasn't been done yet. If we have all that finished by Friday morning all we will have to do is pulling and attaching the wire and hanging a couple of gates.

I'm really excited about pulling the wire, it will be sort of like spring, suddenly everything will be changed.

Next about the hovel: The electric behind the walls is all done. The plumbing that comes out of the walls will be finished this weekend. This means that drywall can be hung starting next week and painting the weekend of the Fleet Feet trial. The hovel really cannot be referred to as a hovel any longer. It truly is an unfinished cottage. Jorge is still living in a hovel and as soon as we have someplace to move all my storage stuff I will get his room fixed up. I feel a little like a slum lord and I don't like that.

Next about Dean. One week home today, 5 weeks out from the stroke. No falls since the first 24 hours, thank God. Little improvements every day, but everything is still a struggle so that even dressing leaves him in a sweat and exhausted. We laugh and joke together. My equilibrium is back because I have my best buddy here again.  It is incredibly hard to be a handicapped person in this house. He requires so much more help just because of barriers to mobility. I cannot wait untl we get to move, I know it will be easier on him and on me. Right now he requires lots of help with hygiene and daily care just because he can't get to the shower or sink by himself. This adds hours to my day. Doesn't matter, really, because I've got my buddy back.


Now about the dogs: Pogo may be a bit creakier, I need to just sit down and massage him and check him all out. Maybe this weekend I will have some breathing room. He is getting used to lots of visitors (home health, PT, OT, home care companions, people helping me rearrange furniture, well wishers) and actually seems comfortable with them. We carefully warn everyone to not try to make friends. Trying to make friends with Pogo freaks him out. Gabriel hates it that we keep moving his stuff and he hates Dean's wheel chair and cane. We did some multiwraps and nose touches on the cane last night, which made him very suspicious. He hates the wheel chair ramp, so we do lots of rewarding on it. He skitters up and down like it is made of hot coals. Beatrice loves the chaos. If I'm bathing Dean she licks his face and ears. If I tell him to roll on his side she lays herself down beside him and rolls over. She is the best assistance dog, shoving objects he drops into his hand. Gabriel picks things up and throws things at him, which never actually reach his hand. Pogo brings every thing to me and indicates that I should give them to Dean. 

I haven't been out to the barn in 2 weeks and I miss it sooooo much. Must go out and play with Gabriel just a little, I'm entered in the Fleet Feet trial teamed with Julia and Liz.....I'm looking forward to it, very very much. Maybe Dean will be up to coming for half a day.

If you want to help with wire stretching and see the finishing stages of fence building I hope to get it all done on Friday from 10 am on. So far we have Katie, Jorge, Bill, Paula and Dave (Julia's dad). The weather might not cooperate.  If it doesn't get done then, Julia has the use of her Dad's tractor, but we don't have as much experience with the actual pulling of the wire, so we might have to wait till he comes back from Idaho.

I will post about painting and shack distruction.  If you are going up and down I-5 and just want to visit, let me know, we like visitors. If you are coming down to the geisha barn, let me know, I might have a minute to come out as see you.

I will post about painting and the day of distruction.

Fencing party part deux was Friday. A smaller contingent and some new face. Still much enthusiasm and skill. We worked from around 3 pm till dark. I'm really loving fencing, the social aspect. I cannot possibly thank the fencing marathon team enough. Just can't be donet.  Dean came home from Rehab on Thursday afternoon and within a couple of hours fell. The next morning he fell again. I knew I couldn't concentrate on the work if I was worried about him crumpled up on the floor at home. Besides, he really wanted to see the place, so I just dragged him out with me. After all, he spends hours with the dogs in that very same van at shows. He really liked having everyone stop by and chat with him. He is very impressed with our fencing accomplishments. It sure is nice to have him back.  It was great for him to be seeing friends and thinking about the work and not just about the current difficulties. But maybe, just maybe a little, it might have been overdoing it.

So today the plan was for me to leave him for a brief hour while I drove the farm truck to Silverton to pick up 6 more wooden posts and another cattle panel. Then I'd come home, fix a nice lunch, and bring him out to the farm for a bit more fence building supervision, this time with plans for limiting it to a couple of hours. But the time to leave got delayed by a home health nurse visit which involved in depth meetings of all the dogs and discussions of there life histories and personality characteristics. Bea and Gabriel played racetrack around Dean and nurse Polly while she tried to enter data in her laptop. Bea mugged her laptop, hoping to find videos of Pirate in it. Then nurse Polly had to bring her little poodle, Tabby, in from the car for pets and loves. A much longer home health nurse visit than had been anticipated. Still on track, except that a RealEstate agent then knocked on the door. She had a client with her right now and could they see the house. . . Well, no, except that I really want to sell the house. I said "give me five minutes, and by the way my husband who just came home from the hospital with a stroke will be sitting in a chair in the family room."  Five minutes got the dogs into the van, curtains opened, Urinals and commodes banished to the garage and Dean tucked under a quilt in a recliner.

Now I'm really late for the farm store, I have a date with Dave and his tractor at 3 to plant more posts. I planned to pick up the farm truck and stop by for gas. The gas gauge doesn't work, so I thought it would be reasonable to just fill it up anytime I use it...got to the gas station and I didn't have the locking gas cap key. I did  quick calculation in my head and figured I could get to Silverton and back. Bea rode shotgun. She loves the farm truck. She llikes riding loose in the front seat in a bouncy truck that smells like pine airfreshener and oil and that we have to open the windows to stay cool. Got to the farm store. Didn't have my receipt for the exchange I had planned. They had a 4 foot gate I had already paid for that I didn't want, and I wanted instead my 6 posts and my cattle panel. I didn't have my receipt. They didn't have record of the purchased and undelivered gate. But they just took my word for it! "Ok funny lady with your poodle. You can exchange the gate you don't have for this $150 worth of fencing materiels. Let us load it up for you."  Beatrice loved the loading guy, and he loved her. After he loaded up the truck he climbed in the front with us and poodle schmoozed. Then we got an iced mocha and a weeks worth of doggie treats "because they are little, she needs more." Bea totally scoring as the farm dog.

Still running late, figuring I can drop of the posts, and plead wifely duties to rush back to Dean, give him a very late lunch and bring him back out to the farm. Drove through miles of idyllic fields, Bea smilling and panting next to me. Got about 10 miles from the farm and the truck stopped. Stopped. Also doesn't steer so good when not going. Not much of a shoulder to drive off on. Fairly narrow road with lots of traffic.  Called Dean who claimed to be well and comfortable and not in any need. Called Paula, who didn't answer her phone. Called Bill who claimed it hadn't been he that broke my truck and offered to bring gas. Bea got to eat the ice left over from my Mocha while we waited. She loved waiting. She loved it when Bill came with gas. The farm truck has two gas tanks. The switch between them fell into the back of the dash when I pressed on it. So we put a couple of gallons in each tank. The truck started up, once I figured out just the right way to apply pressure with the needle nose pliers (because the little part that the key goes into is broken). I drove a bout half a mile to a much busier intersection and the truck stopped working.

The people in their Lexus' and cool new hybrids and shiney SUVs were a little busy, but the really funny looking american indian guy with the long grey pony tail and the car with the no tail lights and the trunk held on with baling twine. He stopped and he and his son pushed Bea and me in our farm truck across the intersection. Thanks, nice american indian guy.Maybe he helped me because I have such a cool truck.  I called Dean, who still claimed to be well and comfortable with no pressing needs. I, however, had very pressing needs by now. I needed to pee, and I needed to poop and I was pretty darn sure that it was going to happen. I just had to chose whether it was going to happen in the truck with my pants on, or in the field next to the busy intersection with my pants down. Those were the choices. There was not an available business that I could run to with my thighs clamped together. It was in the truck or in the field. I was happy to note that I had previously stocked the truck with kleenex. I rolled up the windows. Told Bea, who was still very happy, to wait and walked down the bank into the field. I waited a while, figuring anyone who had watched me walk down would have left by now. Did some sighting for best concealment by banks, the truck and a tree....and, well, took care of business.

Then I called the tow truck. 30 minutes latter, Matt of Affordable towing arrived. Matt is a big guy, 270 pounds I found out later. He is cheerful. He said, "What's wrong with your truck?" I said, "it won't go." Bea thought Matt was awesome. She was very excited to climb the 3 tall steps up into the cab and then investigate the entire cab while he loaded my truck. Then she was happy to kiss his ears while we drove out to the farm and he told me about being a cage fighter and haveing just bought his first house and his 3 dogs, 2 basset mixes and a Sharpei mix. He didn't explain to me about all his tattoos, but then, I didn't ask. Matt will bring his dogs out to play on the farm, latter, when the fencing is done.

It turns out the Dave, who has the tractor was late, too. I was so glad I hadn't made him wait. Paula and Jorge had worked pounding posts. My truck didn't work, but we did have the fence posts. Bill left to go keep Dean company.  Bea, Dave, Paula, Jorge and I set the last of the big wooden posts. I put the level on my head to demonstrate I am level headed. Dave said that I was half a bubble off plumb.

We are going to do more fencing on Friday starting at 10 am. I'm pretty sure it will involve actually stringing the fence. I don't think I will have to drive anywhere to pick up any equipment.  Dean is OK. Bea loved the day we had. She wants another, JUST like it.